Vanilla sex4/8/2023 It’s the same reason why I don’t like the tips often dished out to couples in long-term relationships. For that reason I like sex to be to-the-point. I definitely start to panic that I need to get to sleep or I’ll feel rotten the next day. Maybe I get bored and start thinking about my to-do list. Female pleasure was always on the back-burner, whereas I wanted to put it front and centre.įor me, long bonking sessions and lots of positions mean nothing if I can't orgasm. The tips were horrendous: all athletic positions and what to wear to look alluring. I decided to write a book about this, looking back at sex guides from the ’90s, when I was a teenager. But what I was never told was that good sex can often be vanilla sex. I've never been able to orgasm just from intercourse (a study has found only 20% of women can the rest of us need clitoral stimulation). Once my libido did return, I didn't want to swing from the chandeliers. I was overwhelmed with sleep deprivation and hormones, and I felt so devoid of any horniness that I couldn’t imagine wanting sex again. Nothing rocked our relationship more than having children. But what actually happened was I got pregnant straight away, then morning sickness and pelvic floor issues arrived. In truth, I was a little prudish and was putting the fancy stuff off. When we got together, we were happy with lazy morning shags and drunken fumbles, but I remember saying to him, probably in a bid to get him to propose, that our sex would become more adventurous after we married. I want it after brushing my teeth and before I go to sleep. I like sex to be mutually satisfying, loving and quick. I have two children under five, a busy job and a long to-do list. I make no excuses for having vanilla sex. The last time I had sex brought to mind the moment in Friends when Rachel, in response to being quizzed about the most adventurous place where she’s had sex, answers sheepishly, ‘The foot of the bed.’ I didn’t dress up as a sexy nurse, I didn’t attempt any athletic positions, I may have even kept my socks on – and it was great. So, in defense of vanilla sex, here are seven reasons to embrace it, because practice really does make perfect: 1.Writer Lisa Williams, 37, co-hosts the Hotbed Collective podcast and lives in London It's certainly given me just as many orgasms. While I've had not-so-vanilla sex that's been amazing, I've also had standard, run-of-the-mill sex that has been just as amazing. People think it's boring or unimaginative and that the lack of danger makes it less sexy. So there's no "type" of sex that's better than another.īut vanilla sex gets a bad rap. Engagement with eye contact, the way you touch them, and slowing down helps build excitement, making climax easy to achieve," Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, and psychotherapist specializing in intimacy, sex, and relationships tells Bustle. "A great lover makes you feel as though you’re 'escaping' your worries and totally engaged with them. Because let's face it, for good sex all you really need to is to enjoy yourself and be able to get lost in the moment. Even as someone who likes to mix it up in bed and is happy to try anything once, I tend to go back to vanilla sex over and over. For some people, vanilla sex is the best.
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